tales from shanghai (new sigma = happy times)

Foreword:

today i bought a new sigma 10-20mm wide angle, the result was an instant adventure. but not the type i had hoped for and certainly too instant. From this point on, all dialogue in english will be in bold.

i was eager. eager to experience the adventures my new sigma was about to provide.

i happily stepped out of the store having been convinced (scammed?) to purchase a kenko UV cover.

i put the viewfinder to my eyes, my right hand was trembling with excitement. there was no time to look for the right lighting, i needed to take a photo as fast as i could manage, a masterpiece is about to happe...oops, lens cap is still on. i embarrassingly remove the lens cap secretly hoping no one had saw such an amateurish mistake. "must happen to everyone at one stage," i convinced myself.

as i press down to take what could have been a masterpiece, i see with my preferal vision, someone walking with extreme direction, that is to say they were moving in my direction with strong intent. "Someones in a hurry," i thought out loud in english "better step out of their way."

i move forward just enough for this man to pass behind me, though the space was not very generous, it was all the distance i could spare without ruining my masterpiece of a photo. "finally...i can take my photo".

as these thoughts moved through my head, i felt a bony hand placed on my shoulder also with extreme direction and strong intent. "GIVE ME BACK MY CAMERA"

"What the hell?" i asked rhetorically.

"Why did you steal my camera?"

"Buddy, you better let go of my tie, i did not steal your camera," I said as I contemplated the possible reasons for his violation of my personal space.

This guy is most likely trying to cause a scene, make me show him my camera and then run away after scamming me of my camera. I just bought this new lens and I was in no mood to be that generous. He was definitely going to ask me to show him my camera.

"Show me your camera, let me see it!" he demanded.

"Buddy, you are not touching my camera, i did not steal yours, if you let go now, i'll pretend nothing happened and i'll let you go."

After that statement, he paused for a second, maybe to contemplate my offer. At this stage i had my left hand on his neck and my right hand firmly gripping my SLR. This would be scammer was very skinny, looked like maybe he was suffering from malnutrition. I could count the amount of hairs coming out of his chin, they were whisker-like, like that time me and John Low decided to do Movember and failed. I snapped out of this thought just as he pulled on my tie which was choking me, he then grabbed my shirt and ripped two buttons off. I had no hands free to strike him with, for a second i thought maybe I should pummel him on the head with my camera, but i was not willing to sacrifice my camera either way. I still had my fingers tightly wrapped around his neck and i pulled his face close to mine and semi-bluffed "Friend, I'm traveling on a passport, not only will I beat you up, not only will the police arrest you, my government will look for you."

The Australian government most likely would not do anything for me in this situation except tell me they couldn't do anything.

Just as I realised I was close enough to head butt him in the nose, 3 men surrounded us and attempted to break us off.

"Stop! We're the police, what the hell is going on here?"

I examined the face that these words came from, a tall middle aged man, he had a greasy comb-over and an extremely wrinkled face. The two men standing next to him, one slightly overweight with a semi-guile-from-street-fighter haircut, and another man who was darker than I and missing a tooth. My instincts were telling me these guys are probably apart of the scam, they will probably ask me to handover the camera in a few seconds.

"He stole my camera!" the scammer yelled

"Buddy, this is my camera, if you lost a camera, tell me the model number."

"Give me the camera," the first cop calmly stated. (ah-ha! scam indeed)

"Sorry, I am not letting go of this camera, I can't be sure if you really are indeed a cop"

He quickly reached for a badge and displayed it, i apologised again and stated i don't trust it.

"How about we go to the police station then, is that enough to prove we're cops?"

"Sure," I said "but this camera isn't leaving my hand."

At this stage the scammer had a sudden change of expression and his eyes seemed to have lost the strong purpose it had before.

"I can't go," he said as he started backing off "I have a friend still waiting for me in KFC, my things are still there."

The police were quick to grab a hold of him, after a short negotiation, we decided to go into KFC and I wanted to see if this guy really lost a camera or if he was trying to scam me. After questioning some people in KFC, turns out he had been sitting in KFC for about 45 minutes prior to our incident with his girlfriend who was waiting for him at the seat. Surveillance cameras revealed that whilst he was passionately "displaying his affection" for his lady friend, a man some would consider obese simply walked by and put the camera in his bag and mingled away. The police pleaded that i don't press charges, I assumed it was because I held a passport and would definitely mean more paperwork, I initially refused and wanted to teach this guy a lesson about taking action before thinking. He had lost a Canon camera whilst I was taking photos with a Sony that had a strap clearly visible displaying the brand name. He clearly was not thinking straight and he clearly was distressed, I contemplated for a while and decided not to press charges, he just lost a pretty expensive camera and almost had his ass whooped for no good reason (apart from ruining my shirt). I gave him a 20 minute lecture about how to be a decent human being and just because he was wronged doesn't give him the right to act like he did. The lecture also included how he is embarrassing himself, his girlfriend, his city and his country.

I departed KFC with a friendly chat to the police, apologising for my distrust and thanking them for their timely arrival. They apologised again on behalf of the foolish man and hope my views on Shanghai weren't tarnished by this experience.

The End

Regardless, I'm still pretty stoked on my new lens (Sigma 10-20mm f3.5). As you can I gave my blog a mild update with another picture of my wife. Now i need to purchase an external flash and a camera bag, I'm gonna be out of money real soon.